Fear of Intimacy

Your relationship with self and others is an important essence of being connected in this world. Often fear of intimacy stems from certain trauma early in our lives, and it may hinder our future relationships. It’s often the case that maybe there are some deep seated issues.

In 2005, more than 950 000 Australian women reported they were sexually abused before the age of 15. Quadara (2008) Responding to young people disclosing sexual assault.
Australian Institute of Family Studies.

A White Ribbon Foundation Report indicated that:

• One in seven young men (14%) agreed that ‘It’s OK for a boy to make a girl have sex with him if she has flirted with him or led him on’.
• A third of sexually active Year 10 girls have had unwanted sex.
• While physical aggression by both males and females is relatively common in young people’s relationships, young women face particularly high risks of violence and are more likely to be physically injured.
• Girls and young women suffer more, they are more afraid, and they experience much more sexual violence than boys.
• Experiencing dating and relationships violence at any age has profound and negative impact on women’s health and wellbeing. This impact is long term and cumulative.

Flood M & Fergus L (2008) A White Ribbon Foundation Report, An Assault on Our Future: The impact of violence on young people and their relationships.

There’s no place for judgement or shame regarding any experience, and together we can discuss what your needs are to help bridge a healthier alignment of thoughts, feelings and beliefs.

Our sexuality is a powerful force within us which is essential for expression of love. It’s part of what drives us as humans to bond and procreate, and many cultures hold festivals for deities who uphold the very virtue of this joyful act. It’s good for the soul and extremely invigorating for your body, so why not embrace it? The very essence of being connected, not only with another being but also with ourselves, gives us so much more energy and joy. Sex is life and to embrace this energy will help you to lighten up and enhance your desire to live with passion.

Sexual Addictions

Compulsions affect approximately 6% of the global population. This figure is increasing with the ease of availability of sexually explicit material on the internet, and along with sex texting there’s the issue of trust and appropriateness. Are you aware of the repercussions of your actions in the long term, or have you felt betrayed or unsure about your behaviour? Is your partner feeling betrayed?

Men’s Health

More than a million men in Australia experience Erectile Dysfunction, often as a result of stress and anxiety or because of poor diet and lack of regular exercise. It can be a difficult subject for men to broach but it’s an important issue and can be a symptom of other hidden health problems which you may not want to confront. In turn this may lead to lack of communication in relationships and invariably cause separation.
SSRI Anti-depressants can also affect sexual desire and stimulation, and studies have shown that many men taking these medications experience a loss of desire.

There are other reasons for men to be more body conscious and feel relaxed to discuss openly any emotional blocks or concerns, as there is an increase in disease such as testicular and prostate
cancers. Together we can discuss your fears or concerns, and where necessary I will recommend appropriate consultation with a specialist in the field of men’s health.

Premature ejaculation is another difficult subject for many men to face, yet can be treated with exercises designed to help you learn control and different sexual techniques. Although I’m aware of these techniques, it’s not something I do within my sessions as there are experts who run wonderful sex therapy workshops. It’s my intention to be authentic, always acknowledging what appropriate action to recommend, depending on your situation and need.

Women’s Health

There are many times during a woman’s life that can lead to poor health management. Often during pregnancy and post baby, a woman becomes tired and can often feel less desired. It’s also not uncommon to lose sexual desire altogether, and in some cases stimulation may not be possible. This can create an unspoken barrier between couples and in time this may manifest into feelings of anger. It’s important for your health to acknowledge these feelings and accept that being a mother can be exhausting, especially if you are working and have other children to take care of.

Also be mindful of the benefits of looking after you first. Maybe tiredness is making you feel depressed or you’re just ‘pissed off’ with everything, especially your partner. If this is becoming a constant mantra for you, then eventually you will have wasted a lot of energy and this may lead to serious illness. It’s important to talk about feelings, and to take time out for massage or any kind of pampering which can alleviate your body of all these ailments.

Good nutrition is vital also to help with good skin and bone conditioning. If you lose interest in your self then down the track this may lead to disease, skin cancers or osteoporosis (brittle bones). Managing your health is essential. It just takes a few minutes to throw together a tuna salad at lunch.... slap on extra sun block..... you get the picture.

Menopause is another important time in a woman’s life. As we begin to age in a decade where we are more ‘aware’ of our longevity through positive health practice and in some cases ‘enhanced’ (i.e. botox) appearances, it’s important too that quality of life is embraced. We don’t have to be ignorant of the emotional rollercoaster that may ensue. Maybe there are some feelings of despair or disappointment (never married or had kids), or possibly life seems empty and you think ‘what’s the point’. It’s important to remain centred and realise your full potential may not yet have been achieved. Life is full of promise, no matter which stage we’re at, and if there’s difficulty with managing emotions then remind yourself you don’t have to go through it alone.

Relationships

I guess there are many aspects of being a man and woman I’ve already touched on which may lead to certain issues within a relationship. Of course we all know what’s also important is to talk about it; what do you need from your partner that you don’t feel he hears? By talking to someone other than your family or girlfriends, who are great at always acknowledging the crap times but not so good and offering constructive and ‘real’ solutions, getting an outside perspective may help you recognise certain aspects of your lifestyle that may no longer work and therefore gain better strategies for aligning new balance. Or it may simply be that what you expected in your relationship just doesn’t ‘fit’ with who you are anymore.

Sometimes people need a helping hand to get through difficult stages in their relationship. Taking the initiative to seek advice is the first step in releasing negative energy. The next step is to embrace the love and positive feelings you already have and begin to feel nurtured again.

Feel motivated once more to breathe life back into your partnership and be equipped to handle your energy levels to support your own needs first.